I basically changed the whole website to make it feel more simple and basic.

The old site is still viewable here.

It is outdated though, but I like to keep things they way they were for archival purposes.

Sorry if this text feels sad.

WHO

My username is Stuffey (or StuffeyStuffs on some places). People who have known me prior to 2024 will remember me as AToshiGuy. I am a 17 greek lesbian asexual trans girl (she/her) with awful gender dysphoria (weird way of saying depression).

I was born on Feb 26th, 2008.

I came to the conclusion that I am trans on March 30th 2024. Ever since then little to no progress has been made in my full transition, because of my transphobic town, friends and parents. Meanwhile I keep seeing other trans people on the internet basically keep mentioning how they are getting support and help from others, how happy they are, and even start taking HRT. This is one of the reasons why I stopped using Twitter.

One interesting/questionable thing about myself is that I don't swear. This is a rule that I enforced to myself when I was quite young and it has stayed, but with me getting more upset, sad and angry these days it may not take long until I start swearing publically.

I wish I talked more cheery and happily but with the way things are at the moment, I just can't. Maybe when I will be actually happy. Maybe.

Also I have autism. Of course.

PROGRAMMING/GAME DEVELOPMENT

Although my mental health as greatly decayed over the past few years, what has actually improved are my coding skills. Ever since I saw UNDERTALE in 2017 and its fangames, I was inspired to make my own fangame in ~2019, which meant learning game development and programming.

No progress was made, and in 2021 I started making my own "original" games. None of them were finished and never saw the light of day, which made me really doubt my abilities. A reason if this is probably because I have ADHD, and it is quite bad. You can check most of them in the original version of this site.

My knowledge of GML (GameMaker's programming language) and programming in general was awful. Now, after years of failed game projects, I am semi-compentent and experienced. Not amazing at it though, but I am good at it, and it is probably the only thing that makes me feel good and proud of.

So far I know how to use GameMaker and Unity. I tried Godot but I could not get into it and don't want to.

I am not interested in making 3D games at the moment because they are harder to make, and I just want to create 2D games, for now. I did try to make a few though.

As of writing this, I have been learning C++ to make my own engines, for fun. I have been using learncpp.com and have learned a lot. Once I'm done with the site I'll make a small game on a small self-made game engine using a bunch of libraries. For now, I will say that it is heavily inspired by Sonic CD.

Before finally taking up C++, I was making a metroidvania roguelite heavily inspired by Hollow Knight and The Binding of Isaac. It is quite complex in functionality (I even made a level editor for it), so I don't think I will abandon it (I hope), but it is not my focus right now.

Game

ART

I have been trying to get into art for so many years. In early 2022 I kept asking my artist friends for help and advice but they kept ignoring me on the topic. My friend group was so awful during that time.

In early 2024, I tried for real taking up art. I made a few digital drawings on Aseprite and then got a drawing tablet on my birthday. Since then I have struggled with getting myself to art.

I keep thinking my art is not good and I keep comparing myself to others, even though I know I shouldn't.

As a result recently I kinda just gave up on it, or at least until I get around to making my small game on my soon-to-be-made game engine.

I don't want to share any art of mine.

FAVOURITE GAMES

It is difficult to ask me what my favourite games are because my opinion on them changes constantly.

One of my friends made a joke how I have a like meter for each game that goes down as time passes and that is honestly true. However I think it's more appropiate to call it the "interest" meter.

For example, I was obsessed with ULTRAKILL when I played it 3 years ago. I played each new update to death too. Now, when Layer 8 was shown in the PC Gaming Show, my reaction was "cool" and then continued to wait for the Mewgenics trailer to be shown.

I will play Layer 8 when it comes out, but I do not crave for it as much as I craved for the rest of Act 2 to be released.

Despite this, I do have some favourites:

MUSIC

I only listen to Video Game OSTS. Embarrassing.

The reason is I know I like and enjoy them because I first play their games first and if I like them I will listen to the music.

My friends keep making fun of me for it though, and also keep telling me to listen to real music.

The problem is my fear of being judged. I am afraid that I will be made fun of because of my prefered music tastes, albums and artists. My friends keep telling me I shouldn't care or it doesn't matter, meanwhile they make fun of anyone who likes or listens to Imagine Dragons.

PROBLEM

I am very afraid to show express myself to others.

Growing up, my older siblings kept making fun of me for what I liked and also my old username. Essentially, I was raised to hide my true self from others.

Another reason probably comes to 5th grade in primary school. I was sitting next to a guy who was a year older than me, and he was talking to other guys there about playing Arsenal (the Roblox game). I mentioned how I wanted to get into Pokemon cards (I was at my Pokemon phase at the time) and he just started making me feel awful about it.

This is why I am so secretive to my family. They don't know what games I play, what games I make and what I like to do on the computer. The same goes for anyone who I talk to in real life.

This is also why I am mentally unable to come out to anyone. I am scared that I will be rejected and hated for, because that's what happened in the past to less important things.

I hope things will change.

CONTACT

If you want to talk to me, you can DM me on Steam, Twitter or Bluesky.

For Steam though, please comment on my profile first before sending a friend request, as I do not accept random requests.

Also, I have a Youtube account where I rarely post anything.

ADVICE

Here's some advice that I fail to follow but you really should follow:

No matter how low your life reaches, please hold on to it as it will get better.

In other words, there is not a single tunnel without a light at the end.

Thanks for reading this whole page for whatever reason.

Reading it after having written it feels so weird. It feels like a completely different person wrote it.

I hate how personal and sad this feels, so most likely I will take down the page quickly and just make the website a blank page out of regret.

Actually the more I read it the more I hate it. I hate it when people on the internet type like this which makes them seem really rude, not-welcoming and not fun to talk to, and I am doing the same exact thing with this page. If you talked to me anywhere else I would type way differently lol.

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